So you want a job in Customer Service? Or maybe you have already got a job in customer service?
JOB "PERKS"
- Minimum wage! Wooohoo!
- Saying things like "can I help you?" "would you like..." , "please", and "thank you" with a smile all day long, whilst being met with nothing but rude, miserable people.
- Listening to the sound of your own voice ALL day long, and saying the same things over... and over... and over...and over....
- Aching feet- from standing around all day.
1. Smile constantly. Even when the customer tells you to to "F*** off". Just smile and say "Thank you! Thank you for talking to me like utter crap! Have a great day!".
2. Laugh at everything the customer says, with the exception of when they say something like "my cat died yesterday"
3. Remember- the customer is ALWAYS right (apart from when they're not.)
Customer "jokes"
1. Sales Assistant: Would you like a bag for that?
Male Customer answer: "No thanks, I've already got one at home- my wife."
2. "Please give me a lucky dip on the lottery. Make it a lucky one! HAR HAR HAR!"
(Yes because if we could print winning lottery tickets out like that, we wouldn't think to print them for ourselves we would give them to YOU!!?).
3. "No I would not like any special offer chocolates ect, I'm fat enough already, Don't you agree??"4. "Do you mind taking payment in the form of hundreds of pennies?"
"I don't want a bag because I'm PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT!"
I've lost count of the number of times I've heard this or something similar. You ask the customer if they would like a bag for their shopping, and they reply that they would NOT like a bag because they are SAVING THE PLANET!
Well go you! Saving the planet by not having a bag to carry your shopping in. What a stupid thing to say.
First of all- the bags have ALREADY BEEN MADE- so refusing a bag makes no difference. Also, since when did plastic bags become a threat to the world? All these folkes who are saying 2012 will be the end of the world or religious preachers talking about judgement day or the people talking about doomsday scenareos- look no further than ... PLASTIC BAGS. Because apparently - they are a threat to the world! And soon the world shall be consumed by evil plastic bags. Nooooooooooooooo!!
But don't worry! There is HOPE- all thanks to the customer who came in the shop the other day and REFUSED a bag for his shopping. HE SAVED THE PLANET!! Yaaaayyy! We're all saved from the evil plastic bags!
Charging for bags = nightmare
So your company has decided it wants to charge for bags. Heres a sneak preview of what to expect in a typical transaction:
1. Customer buys loads of items that total over £20
2. Customer asks for bag, and you explain that bags now cost 2p
3. Customer suddenly goes nuts, flapping arms around in the air like a crazed ape and refuses to pay the extra 2p for a bag, and tells you to "forget it"
4. Customer refuses to buy anything, walks out of the store, and leaves you to put away all of the items they left on the till.
Typical customer "conversation"
"Wow the weather sure isn't good today".... "No, I guess not" ....
"People skills"
If you see a job advert asking for applicants to have "People skills" what they are basically asking for is someone who can put up with a whole load of crap. You think I am joking? Expect to be asked questions in your interview along the lines of "how would you deal with difficult situations" or "how do you cope under pressure" ect. These are all just posh ways of saying you are going to have to deal with a whole bunch of crap from time to time.
Customer Types 101
The sweet old lady.
Ahh, the sweet old lady with her push along trolly, usually coming to buy her lottery tickets, or her crossword puzzles or TV guides. Expect the typical small talk about the weather, and to be called "dear" frequently. Usually payment will take a long time as you are treated to all of her spare change. However, I cannot complain too much as this type of customer is harmless and probably one of the better types you can get.
However, beware in engaging in any conversation beyond small talk, as she will be there for a VERY long time telling you her personal life story.
The old pervert.
He swoops in on all the ladies and seems completely oblivious to the fact that he is not only old enough to be their grandfather, but also being extremely creepy. He usually stands far too close for comfort and says things you would not expect an otherwise respectable looking elderly man to say.
The drunk moron.
This one is usually easy to spot. You feel yourself get slightly drunk just by inhaling the alcoholic fumes he gives off as he stumbles toward you. Beware- he may hurl abuse at you without warning. Usually these types are difficult to get rid of once they are in the shop and will buzz around like flies for a while until they stumble off onto their next victim.
He typically doesn't really "want" anything- he's just aimlessly walking around doing random stuff. You usually cannot reason with these types, your best bet is simply to avoid getting his attention or if it all gets too much, call the police.
Mr. "Can you change a fake £50 note into a hundred £5 notes?"
The first major red flag about this customer is that when he approaches you at first he is extremely friendly. A customer being extremely friendly?? It's just not normal folkes. He usually buys something like a cheap packet of chewing gum, a lottery ticket or a drink. It all seems innocent at first. Then he hands you something like a £20 or £50 note and starts asking for certain notes or coins in his change. He talks quickly and snatches money out of your hand, swapping notes and coins so fast that you lose track of what you "owe" him or what he owes you. He opperates like a magician, using a quick slight of hand to trick you into thinking you owe him more than you really do. Before you know it, he's walking out of the shop with twice as much money than he came in with. It all happens very quickly and it's very clever how it is done.
The phone junkie
This is the guy or gal who always comes up to the till and is on their phone. They chat away to the person on the phone, almost completely ignoring you. The product and payment gets thrown at you as though you were some kind of slave robot, and you are not sure whether to talk out loud mentioning the price of the item or anything else, in case you "interupt" the oh so important phone call. Usually, if you are lucky you may get a nod of recognition at the end of the transaction.
The bunch of stupid kids.
Basically, they run around trashing the place, making LOTS of noise. They are like a bunch of Gremlins- wrecking havock everywhere. There never seems to be a parent in sight.
Underage and angry
The person who looks like a kid, tries to buy cigarettes/alcohol, and gets really offended when you refuse the sale because they have no ID.
The teen mum.
She comes in usually with a screaming kid hanging off each arm, pushing a pram big enough and wide enough to knock all of the products in the shop off of the shelves. She also pushes out of the way any PEOPLE who happen to be there using the pram as a WEAPON.
Typically she is too wrapped up in dealing with all her brats.. uuh.. i mean kids, to take any notice of anything you are saying. The products she wants to buy will be thrown onto the till, the money will be thrown at you, the products will be thrown back into the supersized pram, and off she will go.
Miss. Hot shot lawyer.
She stroles up to you looking all stern and business-like. You scan some items through the till and it's not long before you hear something like "you can't do that!! That's ILLEGAL!". It's usually something completely trivial and you are threatened with "legal action" if you do not remedy whatever tragic situation it happens to be - such as she did not get her chocolate bar on the EXACT offer that was promised. Expect to hear lots of stuff about "trading standards" blah blah blah. It's not that these people are usually wrong in what they say, it's just that their reaction is so pathetic. Most normal people would just raise a simple question, and you would be able to quickly fix whatever the issue was, with no fuss.
What to do when a customer goes NUTS
Every so often, you will get a customer who simply comes in looking for a fight. They will question everything and talk to you like utter crap. They will EXPLODE with anger right in front of you and hurl abuse at you. Your job is to basically behave like a robot- utterly devoid of any human emotional reaction to the situation. Just smile, and ask the customer if they would like to hurl objects at you to help them relieve their levels of stress. Remember- you are not allowed to react to what the customer is doing. The customer is ALWAYS right, and if you argue with the customer, then YOU are in the wrong. As you can see, there is a great deal of "justice" to be found in a sales career.
More coming soon............
